This past Tuesday was known in the world of American politics as Super Tuesday, the day on which the greatest number of states hold primaries and select delegates to head to the national convention. Mitt Romney won the most states of any Republican candidate, but it wasn’t as huge a victory as he would have liked – the future of this election remains unsure.
As proud participators in this grand democratic experiment, we asked Mitt Romney his thoughts on the events of Super Tuesday. No, not that Mitt Romney; we spoke to his Mexican Twitter persona, @MexicanMitt.
HOLA MUCHACHO! Saludos to los gueyes y gueyas at Remezcla!
Okay. Well, let’s get started. Your win on Tuesday wasn’t as decisive as I’m sure you wanted it to be. Why do you think that is?
I believe there is a bias against TACO LOVING GOP candidates. People LOB ME online, especially on Twitter, so what’s the problem??
Do you think you’ll get the nomination?
I am SEVERELY INEVITABLE. Of course I will get the nomination, I am IN IT TO GUIN IT. Besides, the nomination is a prestigious honor, a precious symbol of American democracy – I will spend my last PESO TO GET IT.
What do you think of the other candidates?
They are a bunch of yahoos, serial wife abusers, racialistic newsletter publishers, religious zealots and goat abusers. I think they are a great bunch of guys, the heart and soul of the Republican Party
Why haven’t Latino voters embraced you, given that you’re clearly Mexican? What will you do to try to win more Latino voters?
My RAZA loves me on TWITTER, that’s all that counts. I won the PAISA PRIMARY every night!Also, I am giving out free Phone cards, and offering to pay the layaways for any plastic-wrapped couches people might have at Kmart.
What do you think is the most important issue facing America today?
The lack of Chivo recreational activities for my goats. Also, we need to reintroduce polygamy into the national conversation. That will keep my viejas busy and out of my hair. AJUA!
What are your thoughts on Rush Limbaugh?
I told that pill popping panson to shattup his face about the viejas, but did he listen to me?? NOOOO. I have viejas of all ages, and the 30 year old ones especially dont like to hear about how they are sluts from a 400 pound Viagra abuser. And he is my favorite broadcaster.
Are you considering Vice Presidential nominees?
I’m thinking Don Francisco, if elecitons are not held on Super Tuesday but on Sbado Gigante, that might be a huge advantage for us. Also, I was thinking Marco Rubio, because everyone loves lying, balding Latinos who want to control your viejas through big government legislation. Or maybe I will pick someone smarter, like one of my chivos.
Why should we endorse you for President?
Because I am the MOSE MEXICAN MAN IN THE WORLD! Ajua!