Speaking with NBC News this week, delusional blowhard Donald Trump claimed that he would win the Latino vote. “I have many legal immigrants working with me. And many of them come from Mexico,” he said in the interview. “They love me, I love them. And I’ll tell you something, if I get the nomination, I’ll win the Latino vote.” After LOLing for roughly 24 hrs, we came to the sobering realization that there are, in fact, ways the Trump could make this happen for himself.
Here are six plausible scenarios for how Donald Trump could win the coveted Latino vote:
1
Be Jeb Bush
We recommend a Freaky Friday approach. Just wait until Friday, the 13th (there’s one in November) and get into an argument with Jeb. Don’t forget to say “I wish I could switch places with him,” before storming into your room and slamming the door.
3
Become best friends with the pope
Pope Francis performs miracles. Did you see what he did for Cuba and the United States?
4
Make Danny Trejo your running mate
Do the opposite of what Jon McCain did and choose someone likable to fill the role of vice president. We’re long overdue for another actor-turned-politician.
5
Redraw the borders
Undo the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo. It was Mexico’s first.
6
Build a time machine
You can use it to go back in time and not act stupid when you announce your plans to run for president. Or when you say pretty much anything in public. If you wanna get real crazy, maybe take a Spanish class, donate some of your billions to fund the education of DREAMers, and, I dunno, develop an stance on immigration policy that isn’t irrational.