Last night, Kanye West tweeted the final tracklist and title for his seventh studio album, The Life of Pablo.
https://twitter.com/kanyewest/status/697585446960893952?lang=en
Though this is the album’s third title change, it might be the one that makes the most sense thus far, based on the lyrics from “No More Parties in LA:” “I feel like Pablo when I’m workin’ on my shoes/I feel like Pablo when I see me on the news/I feel like Pablo when I’m workin’ on my house.” Critics are speculating about which Pablo Yeezy is actually referring to, and right now the consensus seems to be Escobar or Picasso, based on the drug lord’s infamy in hip-hop and West’s lecture at Oxford University in March 2015.
But here’s the thing: there are hundreds of thousands of Pablos out there, and there’s no doubt that a cultural icon like Yeezy isn’t sleeping on that fact. To help him out a little, we’ve compiled a definitive ranking of all the Pablos worth a shout out, including some rather unexpected characters. Check it out, and sound off in the comments.
Pablo Ferro
Pablo Ferro has designed film titles and opening credits for cinematic classics like Dr. Strangelove. He was also the subject of a 2012 documentary. But let’s be serious, Yeezy has never heard of this dude.
Yeezy score: ?
Pablo Mármol
Pablo Mármol – who is bizarrely called Barney Rubble in English – is Fred Flinstone’s BFF and neighbor. A couple years back, there was a rumor that Kanye was producing a film about The Jetsons, so we know he’s a fan of children’s cartoons. Yeezy is probably more familiar with Pablo’s English name, but maybe North can learn Spanish from Los Picapiedra?
Yeezy score: ?
Pablito Mix
Pablito Mix is a Mexican DJ who famously started cumbiatón parties back in the early 00s. They were pretty underground, though, so I imagine Yeezy would give him a good old “new phone, who dis?” curve if Pablito ever tried to get in touch.
P.S. Cumbia rework of “Gold Digger,” anyone?
Yeezy score: ?
Coté de Pablo
Coté de Pablo is a Chilean actress who most recently appeared in The 33 and NCIS. This one’s a pipe dream, fam. I do wish Yeezy would guest star on an episode of NCIS, though.
Yeezy score: ??
Pablo Zabaleta
The Manchester City right back has been suffering from injuries this season, so maybe Yeezy should give him a little shout out.
Yeezy score: ⚽️⚽️
Juan Pablo Galavis
The worst Bachelor in franchise history is just about as douchey as Kanye can be at times, especially given his recent misogynistic comments about Amber Rose and his assertion that Bill Cosby is innocent. Let’s not forget how Galavis said “I like you a lot” in response to an “I love you,” or the time he said “I’m glad I didn’t pick her!” after turning down Clare Crawley in the finale of season 18 of The Bachelor. In all honesty, Yeezy would probably give Galavis the final rose.
Yeezy score: ???
Juan Pablo Duarte
One of the founding fathers of the Dominican Republic, Juan Pablo Duarte helped establish the governmental structure of the island’s first democracy. Kanye is no Dominican Drake, but quisqueyanos have stormed the Internet with Dominican Kanye memes for years now, so maybe Yeezy should take note and tip his hat to one of the Padres de la Patria.
Yeezy score: ??
Pablo Larraín
Last year, the Chilean filmmaker’s El Club took the Jury Prize at Berlin International Film Festival. His 2012 film No was nominated for an Oscar in 2013. #YeezyTaughtMe?
Yeezy score: ???
Petey Pablo
Poor Petey Pablo. This is probably the first time anyone has thought about you since the genius of “Freek-a-Leek,” except for Kanye. Yeezy produced “I Swear” back in 2004, so maybe he’s trying to make amends with his “Real Friends?” Ha. ha.
Yeezy score: ???
Pablo Neruda
Think about it: Ye paying homage to one of the most visionary poets from Latin America? That would be peak Kanye. We all know Yeezy is a fan of romantic gestures. What better way to woo Kim than with 20 Poems de Amor y Una Canción Desesperada? With the Chilean government reopening the investigation on his death, Yeezy should definitely have Neruda on his radar.
Yeezy score: ????
Pablo the Drug Mule Dog
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NqWiWerQOt8
Yes, this is actually a thing. This fictional pup was the protagonist of a bunch of bizarre anti-drug commercials on British TV. Judging by the fact it’s an anti-cocaine advertisement, the character is likely named after Pablo Escobar. Yeezy has never really been a coke rapper like Pusha T, but let’s face it – with his eccentric but lovable demeanor, Pablo is the Kanye West of dogs.
Yeezy score: ???
Pablo Escobar
The Colombian drug lord continues to spark controversy over 20 years after his death. One of the most powerful drug lords in history has murdered hundreds of people, but the Robin Hood image he cultivated still burns bright in the hearts of many Colombians. As a result, Escobar has become a notorious figure in hip-hop mythology, much like Scarface, and more recently El Chapo. Ye and Pablo would have tons to discuss.
Yeezy score: ❄️ ❄️ ❄️ ❄️
Pablo Picasso
Kanye’s artistic ventures have rarely been taken seriously by mainstream media, major corporations, or any of his fans. As critics have noted over the past few years, our society can’t handle the black self-affirmation Kanye preaches every single day, and they often dismiss his interest in fashion and design as Kanye Being Kanye. So it makes sense, then, that Yeezy should tip his hat to Picasso on his seventh album, one of the greatest visual artists of our time.
Yeezy score: ?????