Cinco Sins for Cinco De Mayo: The Don't Guide

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Not that we don’t encourage making mistakes and calling it a Cinco de Mayo error, just be safe and save some face by not doing any of the items on this list. You will thank us later, and generally wearing a fake stache and a sombrero doesn’t look good on you anyways.

PS: If you have to explain to the person next to you when Cinco de Mayo is, you are off to  a very bad start, and even worse if you spend it with people who think it’s Mexican Independence Day.


1. Drinking Four Loko instead of Tequila.

Anything worse would be spending it with people who call it “Cinco de Drinko.” The good thing about hanging out with these people is that you probably won’t remember them and they’ll certainly not remember you the next day—or remember anything for that matter. But you do want to keep your dignity, so keep it Mexican and choose tequila over Four Loko.

2. Watching the BBC’s Top Gear show

While Cinco de Mayo gives anyone the honor to be Mexican for a day, not everyone deserves to be an honorary Mexican—not even for 24 hours. Richard Hammond, the presenter of BBC’s Top Gear, will just have to stay his British self for Cinco.

That’s what he gets for being a hater and calling Mexicans “lazy,” when Mexicans rank #1 in working the most hours in the world. Take that!

3. Croissant vs Tamale

You don’t want to celebrate a Mexican victory in France, so you shouldn’t let the French take on Mexican cuisine. For Cinco de Mayo, a croissant and a tamale cannot be mixed, if you love your local french-mex bistro, come back on the 6th.

4. Skinny Anything

Bask in the calories, do not go for the promised 100 calories per serving BS that Skinny Margarita products promise. Gorditas need their margaritas, too.

5. Michelada in a can aka “The Chelada

A recipe so rich in history and flavor cannot be confined to a can and called “Chelada.” Ultimate disrespect.