Cinco x Cinco de Mayo

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Who needs to pay $375 to celebrate Cinco de Mayo?  (Is that in pesos?) Maybe if its for a good cause, otherwise head to Douglas Park for the nitty gritty Cinco de Mayo in the Chi.

If it wasn’t for the bravery of Mexicans at this battle, you’d be reading French instead of Español right now. And for the record, anything happening on Rush and Division, Wrigleyville, or hosted by Republicans does not count as a valid Cinco de Mayo event. The following are the Remezcla rated 5 x 5 events to celebrate, avoid,  and even protest this  year. Ajuuuuuaaaa!!

1- The Fake
Cinco de Mayo Fiesta!
The Chicago History Museum
Tuesday, May 5, 7:00–9:30 p.m.

If we had a siren, it would be going off right now for this fake-ass Cinco de Mayo party complete with “experts” from the ultra white Adobo Grill demonstrating how to make the perfect margarita, and explaining the difference between blanco, reposado, and añejo at a tequila tasting. Don’t waste your time on this one.
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2- The Pricey
The Cinco de Mayo Gala
Hosted by the National Museum of Mexican Art
Palmer House Hilton
May 8th, 6:30pm

The elite Cinco de Mayo Gala hosted by the Museum is for ballers only. You ever wonder how the museum can afford to have us visit for free year-round? Pricey corporate-friendly events like this one bring new exhibits and pay for bills at one of our favorite spots. Salud! to the big bucks.
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3- The Real
Official 5 de Mayo Festival and Parade
Friday, May 1st- Sunday, May 3rd

The real deal party goes down at Douglas Park and takes over the Chi not only for 5 de Mayo day  but the entire weekend prior to that Tuesday. Over 250,000 “real” Mexicans will attend this festival, parade, and all around week-long party. Sunday, May 3rd will host the mega-cool parade that really brings together the true hater Mexican spirit of having whooped tons of French ass in the Battle of Puebla.
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4-The Phony
Cinco De Mayo Fiesta at Moe’s Cantina
Moe’s Cantina
Tuesday, May 5 6-8pm

Wrong for so many reasons, por ejemplo:
1. They offer sangria and margaritas. This is a night to celebrate, not rub in the success of other European conquerors. Lets us drink tequila only on this night!
2. Its in Wrigleyville.
3. No one named Moe’s should ever own a cantina. Not to mention its hosted by Latino Republicans, this reason is simply off the charts.
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5- Anti-Cinco
Bistro 110
If you really wanna be anti-Cinco de Mayo we suggest you head over one of Chicago’s most expensive French restaurant and indulge in some escargots and make one of your ultra Mexican friends pay for it. Bistro 110 is a fine suggestion for an upiddy French spot where you can go and rat on all those loud Mexicans outside. If the guilt beats you while you’re there, then you can always turn it around and make fun of the French for their loss.