It’s just about that time of year again—Halloween!—when you attempt to glue on some vampire teeth to scare the bejesus out of la abuela or try something simple like throwing on a Luchador mask. Although several Remezcla estaffers just prefer to put their efforts into creating a unibrow in homage to Frida Kahlo. But, for those of you still scrambling to perfect this year’s Latino-inspired Halloween getup, we have everything from use-what-you-have (or abuela has) costumes to all-out party guises. Trust us, we dressed Xoxa ourselves.

________________________

Real Housewives of Hialeah
________________________

The haggard lovely ladies of Hialeah may have walked the streets of Lincoln Road on South Beach in their best batas de casa and rolos last year but, now that Miami’s been given the green light for their very own version of the infamous Bravo series, we’re holding out for brighter batas and over-the-top accessories. Mistolin purse, anyone?

Make your own:

Abuela’s bata de casa (if it’s warm, we suggest opting for una lycra instead)
Mami’s rolos (the brighter, the better!)
Chancletas
Agua de Violetas (you can never wear enough!)
y pa’ la calle!

________________________

Chonga
________________________

You’ve heard of Fergalicious, but few things compare to chongalicious (so delicious!). We know it’s a throwback, but think the most crimson, puckered lips you’ve ever laid eyes on, enough eyeliner to make the guys from KISS jealous, loads of hairspray and acrylic nails long enough to serve as a backscratcher for your neighbors. There have been plenty of mutations over the years but we like our Latina chongas traditional—long nails, flammable hairstyles and attitude that abounds. Here’s a throwback video for some Miami inspiration, but chu do whatchu gotta do. Just keep it chonga, aight?

Make your own:

Red lipstick from Wet ‘n Wild
Black eyeliner
Short denim shorts
Nike’s (preferably Jordan’s, but we’re in a recession so it’s ok to downgrade)
A Costco-sized bottle of Aquanet

________________________

Nacho Libre
________________________

The not-so-hit movie, “Nacho Libre,” with sometimes-funny, always-off-beat comedian Jack Black may not have been good or even remotely funny, but the main character sure makes for a hilarious getup. It’s a different take on Mexican luchadores and, when donned by the right person, will make your friends laugh and strangers want photo-opps (you may even impress your gringo friends!). Making it work is easy. “Don’t you want a little taste of [Halloween] glory?” It’s all in the accessories!

Make your own:

Red underwear, strictly worn over the tights
A red cape
Red boots (Are we noticing a theme here?)
Awfully curly hair – any shade of your choosing or styling
Gigantic mustache (fake or real)
Beer belly
Fake or just really awful Mexican accent

________________________

Celia Cruz
________________________

Channel la Reina de la Salsa, famous for her over-the-top style, panache and—who can forget?—Azucar! Tapping into her soul, flavor and undeniable flair is as easy as slipping into a shiny dress, stilettos and bailando rumba all over town. Turn your Halloween into un carnaval y echenle salsita!

Make your own:

A wig (Celia rocked them all, so any color will do)
A sequin dress (the tighter the better)
If you’re missing that tremendous trasero, some kind of padding will suffice
Sky-high platforms
Dark color foundation for the lighter ladies (and we don’t mean blackface)
Red lipstick, bright eyeshadow and anything  in the sparkly makeup realm that you can get your hands on
Pedro Knight

________________________

Dora and Diego

_______________________

Simple, effective and educational. Go alone as one of these lovable, Latino characters or hang with a friend and make it a team exercise in animated multiculturalism. Either way, spend the night teaching your friends our Words of the Day: “Tráfala means skanky! Can you say tráfala? Very good!” Si, lo hicimos!

Make your own:

Dora:
Bob haircut with pinup bangs (a wig will do)
Plain pink t-shirt
Orange shorts
Yellow, beaded bracelet
Purple backpack (extra points if it talks)
Yellow, lacy socks (the hipster ones will do)
White, velcro sneakers (if, like Dora, you still can’t tie your own shoes)
Pet monkey

Diego:
Blue henley t-shirt
Khaki vest (lots of pockets, good for things like flasks)
Green cargo shorts
Army-green socks
Brown hiking shoes
Orange messenger bag (what is it with talking bags?)

________________________

Diego Maradona

________________________

Diego Maradona may not have made that big a splash at the World Cup this summer, but the coach of Argentina’s national team and former futbolista’s eccentric behavior and colorful personality (as well as his soccer skills back in the ’70s) make him the world’s most famous living Argentinian. Of course, when pulling off the man who some people worship as God as a Halloween costume, it’s best to emulate the sober, 1980’s sports hero and not the overweight recovering drug addict that he is now. But don’t count on us to discriminate—channel both—we love a good drunk!

Make Your Own:

Curly, long haired, black wig (the more unruly, the better!)
Boca Juniors or Argentinian National Team jersey
Really, really short shorts (Who wears short shorts? Maradona wears short shorts!)
Knee-high socks
A pair of cleats
(optional) A single glove to highlight exactly which hand is “The Hand of God”

________________________

El Chacal de la Trompeta

________________________

Inarguably the staple of legendary show Sabado Gigante and TV’s toughest musical critic for decades (eat your heart out, Simon Cowell!), El Chacal de la Trompeta makes an instantly recognizable costume. Challenge anybody to belt out their best Ranchera song and send them to the lions if they don’t cut it. You have the authority as “El Chacal!”

Make Your own:

All-black attire, accented with a silver belt and other flashy accessories (preferably a black robe)
Black mask (a ski mask works!) and go to town with the face makeup—accent the lips, eyebrows and eyes in silver
Plastic toy trumpet (or a real one if you’re an overachieving jackass Chacal)
(Optional) stuffed lion (we know you own one!)

________________________

Danny Trejo’s Machete Cortez

________________________

By this point you’re probably wondering where the Frida, Cantinflas and Diego Rivera references are, but you’re likely seasoned in those outfits by now. What you need to address is your knives collection. Have you saved enough plastic kitchenware from the local taquería? If so, you’re ready for a Machete Cortez outfit. Released in September of 2010, Machete has grossed over 26 million bucks, making it an unlikely success. Legendary bare-chest Danny Trejo‘s knife-wielding character is an ex-Federale sent on an assassination mission that ultimately turns out to be a setup. Vengeance, machetes, anger and a giant tattoo on your chest is all you really need to pull this one off. Also, practicing the trademark menacing glance of Trejo is recommended before venturing out into the night.

Make Your Own:

Black trench coat with inner pockets (maybe safety pins inside to hold some plastic knives)
Dark brown vest (think $1 vintage shop)
KNIVES! (toys toys toys)
Dark jeans that are slightly mangled
Black boots
Bitter-beer face (this should be throughout the night for maximum effect)

Dishonorable Mentions: (Because on Halloween, you are NOT what you eat.)

Tacos
Chili Peppers (dog costumes included)