Earthquakes. Hurricanes. Rodents of Unusual Size. New York isn’t prepared for any of this. The City offers plenty of recommendations for beingprepared, and it’s all excellent, valuable advice, but frankly we don’t think they’ve covered everything. Here’s Remezcla’s supplementary list for disaster readiness.
First, let’s set the mood. Okay.
- Apocalyptic Playlist – Whatever you put on it, make it good. We personally recommend only the epic-est stuff on your iTunes. You’re going to need it when the time comes to provide your own soundtrack. Suggestions:
- O Fortuna from the Carmina Burana.
- Anything Hans Zimmer ever did.
- Anything John Williams ever did.
- Iron by Woodkid.
- Crown on the Ground by Sleigh Bells.
- Robert Rodriguez film soundtracks.
- Face paint – We’ve seen movies. The survivors who stay strong and well-fed always wear scary face paint. Also suggested: football pads. (American football, mamón. Or are your shins in danger?)
- Canned food – This is a given in any disaster situation, but because of Goya we Latinos are absurdly good at it.
- Tequila, aguardiente y cerveza – Might as well party.
- A Menudo poster and a statue of el divino niño Jesus – for proper worship. Also: veladoras – which help you pray to both Jesus and Menudo while also providing light to the city you’ve built in the subway tunnels.
- El tarrito de monedas – We’re not sure what place monetary currency is going to have in the post-Apocalyptic hellscape, but it certainly can’t hurt.
- El DVD de lo mejor de Don Francisco – To remind you of your humanity in the bleakest moments. Alternately: a DVD of Cuna de lobos.
- El Tarot de Walter Mercado – To know what’s coming next.
- Your other passport – We know you have one. Using it might make it easier to get out of the country if you need to. (Sorry, Boricuas.)
- Shampoo Vanart para caballero y para dama – To stay pretty.
AND MOST IMPORTANTLY
- Abuelita – If this were World of Warcraft – and it might be – she’d be your mage AND your cleric. Abuela knows all the secret cures and spells and good luck charms. Abuela knows the right saints to pray to in any given situation. Abuela is your best chance of surviving any given disaster, so long as she can keep the racism to a minimum.
What are we missing?