The Gael Voodoo Worked

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I don’t know which one of you marrrditas did it, but the voodoo you pulled on Gael García Bernal worked. It was recently announced by the most reputable news outlet in the world, TV y Novelas, that Gaelito and his Argentinian flame Dolores Fonzi have broken up.

And worst of all, the fruit of their relationship, baby Lázaro, might not even be Gael’s. WHAT, DOLORES? Mija, when you have such prime DNA at your service, you shouldn’t waste your chance at creating perfect Latin American perfection by mixing things up with Palito Ortega‘s son — according to rumors, Lolita was also canoodling with Luis Ortega around the time Lazarito was conceived. You just don’t. Since Gael is a big fan of Maury Povich‘s show, he’s learned his lesson through the mistakes of others, and he’s demanding a DNA test. Let’s just hope things work out for the best… for Gael’s sake (as you can tell, we’re not fans of La Fonzi here at Remezcla).

In other news, Diego Luna is selling a used voodoo kit on Craigslist.