The Most Hysterical Google Searches That Brought People To Remezcla

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Twitter: @AndreaGompf

Every six months or so, I revisit my Google search history so I can laugh at all the ridiculous/embarrassing things I’ve looked up (i.e. “daytime soap witch midget,” “Salma Hayek huge head,” etc.) and then delete it so no one will ever find the incriminating evidence.  Revisiting these searches is probably one of the more amusing activities for me, because I’ve developed a habit of compulsively googling pretty much everything that pops into my head. In fact, so far this month I’ve already googled almost 2,000 things (including whether or not it’s proper form to capitalize the world “Google” when using it as a verb – Grammar Girl says it’s up to me).

Recently, however, I discovered an even better, more hilarious use of my time: using Google Analytics to see what other people are googling. As most people who work in the digital landscape know, Google Analytics is a tool that provides a variety of useful statistics about the visitors that come to your website. Among the numerous features it offers is one that allows you to see what keyword search terms brought someone to your site. Ever since realizing this, I’ve become obsessed with monitoring and recording the most wild/hysterical searches that led people to Remezcla. Here are a few of the best ones from this month, in no particular order:

1. “Pantys”

This one sort of makes sense, actually. We did, after all, write a post on No Panty Day in June, so I can see how someone looking for lady undergarments eventually wound up on our site. Still, I’m pretty sure that only people in the 65-74 age bracket use the word “panties,” so I like to imagine that someone’s grandfather just got completely lost on the internet while trying to find frisky pin up pictures.

2. “Poncho Music”

Okay, who let Jan Brewer on Google?

3. “Remeskla”

This one prompted me to experiment with a series of egregiously misspelled searches  – “faysbook,” “gogle,” and “utub” – to see if I could trick Google. It still knew I was looking for Facebook, Google and Youtube. UGH GOOGLE YOU KNOW EVERYTHING.

4. “Rude GIF”

It has been my secret mission to increase the number of GIFS on this website by 300%, so I’m pretty proud of this one. At first, I was slightly confused about the type of GIF this person was looking for – one illustrating bad manners? one of Rihanna? – then it dawned on me that they were probably looking for the Full House Stephanie Tanner “How Rude” GIF found in this post. We just might be doing something right.

5. “Chola”

How to know if you’ve become an authority on all things chola: 1. you are referenced in the Know Your Meme article about the “Cholafied” blog, 2. you turn up in Google searches for “Chola,” 3. Your eyebrows look like this. We’re three for three.

6. “YOLO”

Nothing like Remezcla to make you contemplate your own mortality.

7. “Miami Mail Order Brides”

Can’t even deal with this one.

8. “Dos Mujeres Y Un Camino”

This is the best telenovela ever made, and we are the #1 Google image result which makes me truly happy. Now if only I could get my “Bring Bibi Back” petition to rank on Google we’d be all set.

9. “Penelope Cruz Lesbian Scene”

In 2008 we wrote an article about Penelope Cruz’s cameo in her little brother’s music video – a cameo in which she makes out with Mia Maestro. Here’s the thing: that article appears nowhere in the first ten pages of Google search and Google Images when searching “Penelope Cruz Lesbian Scene.” So whoever found their way to Remezcla using this search was really, really dedicated to exploring every link on the internet about her possible lesbian behaviors. I don’t think I’ve ever gone beyond page 10 of Google search results, so I applaud your tenacity whoever you are.

10. “Half horse half woman”

I have literally no clue how someone got to us from this search. Not a one. On a completely unrelated note, why has no one made an action movie about a rag tag group of centaurs who form a polo team that overcomes all odds to win the World Polo Championships. We could call it “Dark Horse” GET IT?? Joss Whedon call me.