Today Is A Bad Day To Be A Latina-Related Casting Call

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Twitter: @AndreaGompf

First, there was DaM Legacy Entertainment’s casting call for “HOT latina moms,” brought to our attention by Latino Rebels & Chica and the City. It reads:

Do your friends describe you as a HOT Latina mom…even go so far to call you the real life Sofia Vegara [sic]?

New TV Show is now searching for hot blooded, passionate, attractive, Latina moms that have effectively raised successful children through real life, old-school Latin traditions.

It’s a tough job being a mom. Being a tough mom makes a kid into a functioning young adult. Looking for moms who aren’t afraid to be strict, have solid rules, and who are unaffected by the whisperings, and judgment of other moms and dads.

Looking for Latina Moms who stand behind their parenting style 100%, and who will stand up and show us how it’s done! These days there are too many excuses, too much whining, too much ‘hurt feelings’…its a real hard world out there…but it can be a lot easier if you were raised right. I want Moms who raised their kids right!! And who can talk the talk of the walk they walked!

Requirements: Real Latina Moms who are as big and brash and full of confidence in their parenting style! Should have at least on kid in his/her 20′s.

Then, there was the Doron Ofir casting notice for new reality show “Mi Vida Loca,” forwarded to my inbox by Conrazón‘s Nati Linares:

495 Productions & Doron Ofir Casting are on the hunt for fiery, passionate, Spanish speaking bi-lingual goddesses who are those beautiful, exciting, mami chulas NY is notorious for! You’ve got the style, the body, the fashion, the passion and the tough exterior to protect your corazón gigante that beats to the rhythm of Salsa, Bachata and Meringue, and pumps with the heat of the Spanish Caribbean.

Whether you are from Washington Heights, the Lower East Sidah, Spanish Harlem, or the Bronx, you’re a native New Yorker; born and raised, you talk the talk and without a doubt walk the walk, even in your chancletas!

The barrio you call home, where everyone from the salon to the bodega knows your name; the stoops and the street corners never change, and when you strut your stuff down the block with your head held high, everybody shows you respect. You’re the real Jenny from the block and you’re ready to prove it.

So if you are a fluent English speaking female with Spanish flair who’s at least 21 years old and appears younger than 35, ready to be our tour guide on an adventure through your vida loca on the hottest new television project apply now!

Get it gurl, round up your neighborhood crew and the familia cause this is the chance to take your life to new heights! Represent!

Isn’t it cute how these casting notices read like excerpts from the diary of that old white millionaire that took out a billboard ad for a latina girlfriend? Isn’t it impressive how many offensive stereotypes they manage to hit?  Isn’t it crazy how well these production companies understand the innate fiery, passionate, hot & loud nature all of us latinas have?

In related news, we at Remezcla are currently developing a new reality show called “Teen Mamis From the Loco Block Ay Dios Mio” Need not apply unless you are between the ages of 18-24 and are so caliente and spicy you use Tapatio as lube, KTHANKSBAI.