Nothing Is More Terrifying Than This South American, Puppy-Sized Spider

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Because it’s almost Halloween and spider decorations abound, we thought we’d take this opportunity to remind you that arguably the worst living creature on planet Earth lurks in the South American jungle waiting to haunt your dreams. Last year, Harvard Entemologist Piotr Naskrecki introduced us to the South American Goliath birdeater, which is a relative to the tarantula and the world’s biggest spider. It lives in the Guyana rainforest, but you just know it’s a matter of time before some a-hole smuggles one into the US, because America’s obsession with exotic pets is OD.

Just seeing images of the spider is enough to make me freak the eff out, given that it is literally the size of a puppy aka real life Aragog. On the other hand, Naskrecki – spider enthusiast who clearly cannot be trusted to understand the concept of cuteness– thought the spider was acting “adorably.” At first. “…until a cloud of urticating hair hit my eyeballs, and made me itch and cry for several days,” he wrote on his site. “If that wasn’t enough, the arachnid would rear its front legs and open its enormous fangs, capable of puncturing a mouse’s skull, and tried to jab me with the pointy implements.”

Naskreci said that the spider can’t harm people, though it seems like he went through some stuff in that interaction.

If you are braver than me, you can check out the spider in action, which I can only assume is hard to watch.