Your NY Going Out Guide: The Freezing Our Balls Off Edition

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Buenos Dias Peeps.

If you’re a glass half full type of person, February is a great month. It rescues us from January, the lamest and slowest month of the year, provides us with fat checks from tax returns, warms our hearts with Valentine’s Day, and gears us up for music festival season. If you’re a glass half empty type of person, everything is terrible. It’s winter…still. New Years resolutions are crumbling. Your Valentine’s Day Quest for Real Love didn’t really go anywhere, and you’re still a jamon. I’m speaking hypothetically, of course, because I know nothing about failed Valentine’s Day quests and jamon-ness….Anyway, it’s a new week and there’s plenty to do. Also, I’ve decided I can use this newsletter as my Ok Cupid profile, so there’s that.



Bosnian Rainbows – the latest creation of the Mars Volta/At The Drive-In guitarist Omar Rodriguez-Lopez – is in town and they are playing the Highline Ballroom. This is my golden ticket to publicly express my feelings for the eternamente bella bella lead singer Teri Bender. I’ll be bringing a 24×24 sign that reads: “Teri, I sooooo wanna be your boyfriend,” claro with the permission of mis forever longtime crushes Francisca Valenzuela and Marcela Viejo from Quiero Club. EVENT DETAILS HERE.

If I could clone myself, I’d also be across town at Fred Armisen’s Bowery Ballroom show. Pretty much everything he does is hilarious, but of course I’m partial to his Manuel Ortiz character, the Dominican talk show host that is too real. If you don’t know what I’m talking about watch the video below immediately. Very important, especially because it revealed to me that Kristen Wiig can dance merengue, who knew?! EVENT DETAILS HERE.


Lately I feel like I’m too old to go out hard two week nights in a row, but because I take my duty to inform you of quality happenings very seriously, I want to alert you to the techno and house realness that will be happening in deep Bushwick on this very evening. Our friend Riki Razo will be DJing alongside Tigga Galore at a party hosted by House of Ladosha, the gender-bending artistic collective of beautiful weirdos that has been gaining steady acclaim. Have a feeling this party will give a whole new meaning to Hump Day. EVENT DETAILS HERE.


My first stop of the night is SOB’s where I’m putting to the test the salsa moves I learned last week with The Williamsburg Salsa Orchestra. EVENT DETAILS HERE. This party ends early, so it’s basically a pregame for the rest of the party-packed evening. If this were a soccer match, I’d spend the first half with moombah muchachos Sazon Booya (EVENT DETAILS HERE), and the second half with my buddies from Tropical Bass party Que Bajo?! (EVENT DETAILS HERE). Booty beats all night.


Way before “La Peda” I gotta fill up the tank with food (expert advice). Been craving some empanadas, so I’m gonna hit up Esperanto, maybe throw in some grilled chuletas and sangria too.

El hombre que baila bien, siempre se lleva la atención de las mujeres en la disco (Engel Vargas es mi inspiración). I’m adding a Forró Lesson at Liliana Araujo’s Brazil to Brooklyn show to my Dance Bucket List, way before the performance there’s a caipirinha open bar from 7 till 8pm (can’t say no to free alcohol and also I probably have to get drunk to take a dance lesson). EVENT DETAILS HERE. Next stop is The Paperbox where our cutie friend Ceci Bastida will be performing. Hace 2 años que no pare de tararear “Empieza a Amanecer,” can’t wait to hear some new tracks from her. EVENT DETAILS HERE.

Oh p.s. I’m not that into George Lopez but if you are we’re giving away tickets to his comedy show on Saturday and you should sign up for those suckas here.

Que gozen mucho y gasten poco, hasta la próxima semana.