Latinos love to give each other nicknames. It’s a safe bet that most of us have a cousin called “Chino,” a friend we call “Chato,” or a conocida we refer to as “La Prieta.”
Appearance-based nicknames are so ingrained in Latin culture that we even have a talk show called El Gordo y la Flaca, which premiered in 1998 and is still airing today. While these apodos are often given with love, they can also leave lasting scars. That’s why now, a new generation of Latine parents are quietly breaking that cycle.
Take husband and wife Hector Espinal and Crisaly Moya-Espinal, who are parents to two boys in New York City. Espinal was born and raised in Washington Heights, a community known for its warmth, resilience, and playful banter—which can sometimes border on bullying.
“Growing up, a lot of people called me ‘gordito,’” he recalls. “As someone who’s always struggled with their weight, any nickname tied to my body or eating habits always hit a little deeper,” Espinal says. Though it never came directly from his parents, his mom and dad didn’t intervene since it was seen as normal in Latin cultures.
And because the couple knows how much those words can shape a child’s sense of self, they’re being intentional with their own children’s nicknames. Instead of highlighting what their kids look like, they choose names that reflect personality, talent, or simply love.
Why?
“[Because] those labels can really affect their self-esteem,” says Moya-Espinal. “I never want them to grow up seeing themselves through someone else’s insecurity or joke…I don’t ever want to plant that seed in them.”
The Espinals are far from the only ones taking this approach. Across the U.S., more Latine parents are dropping looks-based monikers in favor of names that uplift their kids’ spirits instead of chipping away at them—a shift that family therapists say is long overdue.
Licensed bilingual psychologist and writer Lisette Sanchez, PhD, says that nicknames don’t exist in a vacuum. When someone is called “gordo,” for example, it’s impossible to ignore that Latin American culture treats being fat as undesirable.
Those nicknames reflect unconscious biases, and the new generation of parents is seeing that, says Dr. Sanchez. “People are realizing how this leads to more perfectionism and anxiety around body image.”
Colombian therapist Cristina Castrillón, LMFT, agrees, adding that these nicknames can reinforce harmful stereotypes and lead to body dysmorphia, depression, eating disorders, and self-esteem issues. After all, these are words that children hear every day from the people they love most, she says. That’s the kind of repetition that often turns into belief.
“The first people we learn our identity from are our parents,” says attachment and trauma specialist Jessica Correa, PsyD, LMFT. “So if my mom only sees me as ‘la chinita’ or ‘la güerita,’ who I am inside gets taken away from me. That affects my identity.”
This reality is deeply familiar to many who grew up hearing these labels, like Espinal. “No matter how playful it sounded, it carried a sting,” he says. “It was a reminder that people were noticing the very thing I was most self-conscious about.”
Even worse, this identity struggle often begins when kids are too young to pinpoint the connection. Psychiatric social worker Tania Forero, LCSW, who works for the Los Angeles Unified School District—which houses the largest Hispanic student population in the country—says she sees it all the time.
“Initially, the kids I work with say the nicknames don’t really bother them,” Forero explains. “But once we talk more, a lot of self-esteem issues come up. Many kids don’t feel smart, pretty, or good enough,” she adds.
Again, this stems from the internalized racism and body criticism embedded in many Latine cultures. “It’s only natural that kids start believing there’s something wrong with them for being the ‘gordo’ or the ‘prieto’ of the family,” Forero says.
So what does a loving, intentional nickname look like?
Therapists say it starts with consent and creativity. “You can say something like, ‘Hey, I was thinking about calling you ‘el cantante’ because I love how you sing in church, or ‘la bailadora’ because you’re always dancing with your tías,’” suggests Correa. If your kid likes it, that’s great. If they don’t, ask what they’d prefer to be called.
Another approach, therapists say, is to base nicknames on personal interests or personality traits instead of appearance. Dr. Sanchez says her own mother made that shift years ago. Though she used to call her “negra,” she later switched to “solecito,” or sunshine, because of Dr. Sanchez’s bright personality.
That’s another great source of inspiration when choosing your child’s nickname.
“Look at their character and see what you might be able to pull from there,” says Dr. Sanchez. “Are they courageous? Call them ‘valiente.’ Think about what beliefs you want to instill, because the nickname you use becomes part of how they see themselves.”
Armed with this knowledge, Espinal and Moya-Espinal have reimagined nicknames for their kids that are rooted in love and individuality rather than appearance. Moya-Espinal emphasizes that her most important duty as a parent is to protect her children’s confidence and sense of self. “Instead of appearance-based nicknames, I use names that fill them with love—like ‘little baby’ or ‘cutie-patooties.’ I choose words that make them feel adored, safe, and proud of who they are.”
Parenting is never perfect, but change starts with intention. And this generation of Latine parents is intentionally redefining what it means to show affection.
“As the new generation of Latinos, it’s our responsibility to challenge and reshape the cultural norms we grew up with,” says Espinal. “It’s on us to break cycles, protect our kids, and create a healthier foundation for the next generation.”
A generation ago, nicknames might’ve boxed us in. Today, they’re helping us break free.
