‘Jane the Virgin’s Sexiest Episode Has No Sex, But Lots of ‘Magic Mike’ Moments

Jane the Virgin Recap: Season 3, Episode 5, “Chapter Forty-Nine”

After a month of wrapping up older plot points, Jane the Virgin has finally returned to establishing the storylines that will carry them through the rest of the season. “Chapter Forty-Nine” was all about the ties that bind, family ties, with Jane and Alba at odds. Alba, still cagey about her estranged relationship with her sister, turned on Jane after it was learned Jane contacted a distant cousin. Michael and Rafael also tried to make the best of their situation (a bit late if you ask me).

The two went on a “bro” date to the gym that resulted in the first of two Magic Mike-esque shirtless scenes for Rafael (Justin Baldoni). Rogelio, desperate to bring together his two besties, turned the Rogelio Mobile (if that’s not the name of his car already, feel free to use it Jennie Synder Urman!) into an Oprah therapy session. Petra is no longer #Petrafied but she’s playing along as Anezka, for the moment. Oh, and Rogelio went nude for his American debut. Between Jaime Camil saying “penis” a lot and Justin Baldoni stripping down to change a tire, there was plenty for the female gaze to linger on this week, and we’re not complaining!

Xiomara also decided to open a dance school, with the aid of Rogelio and the Villanueva women singing my favorite Grease song, “Beauty School Dropout.” (I actually predicted that right in this week’s chat!) This week’s Jane the Virgin recap guest is Culturess writer Isis Melton!

Latino Legacies and Family Bonds

Isis: I feel like every Latino family has [another] secret family. It’s a real thing.

Kristen: Really?! You know, I’ve always joked about that.

Isis: My grandfather had three… [Jane has] so many cousins!

Kristen: The Villanueva family tree’s expanding! I don’t know how I feel about Alba’s anger considering she slut-shamed her own daughter and then condemned her for having an abortion.

Isis: I agree, but I think my grandmother would have done the same. The conflict between the love of a family member and religion. Catholic guilt is real. I would like to think we have been able to separate the two but lots of grandmothers can’t. Latinos can hold a grudge like no other.

Kristen: I do want this overarching familial storyline to go somewhere. Alba’s mystery is just grating on me.

Isis: I feel like they are putting Alba in a corner. Jane needs to understand she can’t manage everyone even through text message. She needs to learn boundaries. Not everyone can or should be friends.

Kristen: How long are we  seeing the Rafael/Catalina pairing lasting? I’m thinking only till after sweeps.

Isis: I would like this prima to be the catalyst that makes Alba tell her full story. I would like for them to do that quickly before I don’t care anymore. Let’s wrap this up in two more episodes.

#Petrafied No More!

Isis: I have to think this episode will be the last we see of Anezka.

Kristen: I could see that; her storyline effectively came to its conclusion. I love Petra on Petra violence though! Petra’s back to full-bitch mode.

Isis: She was nice?

Kristen: She was nice to Jane more than anyone else. Though this seems like a ploy to get a clearly defined villain. I have to wonder if the Petra thing was just an abrupt about-face.

Isis: Petra is back, and she isn’t playing around! I feel somewhat sorry for her that everyone loved her sister’s version of her. It almost makes me want to side with her.

Dad versus Dad versus Dad

Kristen: Michael’s just pissed that Raf is the sexiest of the sexy and he’s just…..blugh. [During Mateo’s disappearance] The wind machine and Rafael not buttoning up his shirt made that scene funny as opposed to frightening. Random Mateo thought: “Why is Daddy so cut and stepdaddy kinda sucks?”

Isis: Michael has a dad body without being a dad.

Kristen: Much like Jane having a baby without having sex.

Isis: Michael and Raf needed to get the issues out of the way.

Xiomara, the Beauty School Dropout

Kristen: [Ten minutes into episode] Why doesn’t Xo open up her own talent agency or dance studio? The musical performance restored my  faith in humanity.

Isis: Latinos love Grease!

Kristen: Xo’s career has been a huge focal point all season, so I’m glad to see she’s finally doing something that makes her happy while making money.

Isis: Xo needed to have a focus and [I’m] glad they went with the dance studio vs. something that would have been far-fetched.