Hispanic Heritage Month ended without much fanfare this past Saturday, which gave us at Remezcla some pause. Not nearly as well publicized as other history months or holidays, Hispanic Heritage Month (September 15th-October 15th, the only History Month that has to cross a border hardy-har-har) usually glides in under the radar of America at large. We think we know why: there’s no good movies about it. And just like how mainstream Americans learn from movies that their independence was won by some guy stabbing another guy with a flag, that World War II was won by Americans without much help from anyone else, and the Civil Rights movement succeeded primarily due to the efforts of well-intentioned White people, we thought there should be more movies about Hispanic history.
As such, here are, in no particular order 10 Latinos That Should Have Movies About Them But Don’t, For Some Reason.
Editor’s Note: We had many a discussion about a hypothetical movie wherein Walter Mercado uses his powers to solve supernatural mysteries, but that’s probably not appropriate for this list.
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Oscar Collazo and Griselio Torresola
Why there should be a movie: Are you fucking kidding me? Did you read the part about the gunfight on the White House lawn?
No, but seriously, the action sequence will probably be sad and disappointing. Not sad because they didn’t achieve their awful goal, but sad because of the sort of sadness and desperation that drives anyone to attempt such a grandiose act. You can’t help but feel for a pair of guys that set out to be heroes and are so blinded by their desperation that they end up being spectacularly wrong about everything. This movie could be a brooding character meditation, or it could be the darkest dark comedy to ever dark.
Who should play them: Obviously Benicio del Toro is obligated by the contract he signed with God to appear in this film. We’re thinking he’d make a great Torresola, the more worldly, experienced, and clearly more bad-ass of the two. For Collazo, we’d put Del Toro together again with Alfredo de Quesada, who appeared in Che.
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Felix Rodriguez
Why there should be a movie: He rode in the chopper carrying Che Guevara’s corpse while caked in his blood and wearing Che’s steel Rolex watch.
Seriously, though, this guy is a tremendous figure in Hispanic history in the twentieth century. You can track US involvement in Latin America through his career, and it would be great to have a movie – whether it painted him as a hero or an anti-hero – that chronicled that. There might even be a commemorative Che t-shirt.
Who should play him: Imagine Mario Lopez in an action-packed spy thriller full of guns, explosions, secret missions, and of course – Cuban cigars. Okay, we admit we based this one entirely on appearances.
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Alberto Fujimori
Why there should be a movie: The son of immigrants, a foreigner in his birthplace, claws his way to the top before brutally abusing that power and having to go to extreme lengths in a attempt to hold onto what he’s ruined but could have probably gone a long way to fixing. It’s a classic, epic rise and fall. It’s The Godfather. It’s Scarface.
Who should play him: George Takei, George Takei, George Takei. He’s a dead ringer (or as close as one could hope for with a big name draw) and we love him.
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Rita Moreno
Why there should be a movie: Of all the rise-to-fame stories out there on film, it’s astonishing that Rita Moreno’s hasn’t made it out there. She faced adversity to reach unprecedented success on film, television, stage, and in recording, and has had one of the most enduring careers of any Latina in the entertainment business.
Who should play here: We predict a J.Lo vs. Salma Hayek catfight for this one, though the J.Lo thing might not work out; Rita told Latina magazine …
“I think Jennifer Lopez is a phenom. And as far as I’m concerned, she’s really a very smart businesswoman. But she’s not the same thing as…someone like Andy Garcia or Jimmy Smits—that’s different. Jennifer has made a choice to do the kind of films that she thought would be popular and commercial, and that’s perfectly fine. There’s nothing wrong with that. Unhappily, they haven’t had much success—which is really kind of peculiar in my way of thinking because she’s such a HUGE star. It’s crazy and it’s kind of bizarre that her films haven’t done that well.”
…which isn’t exactly a ringing endorsement. Even better would be Penelope Cruz dancing the tango and beating up a Muppet. Then again, we’d rather the role went to an up-and-coming Puerto Rican actress who would herself be trying to hit it huge like Rita did, like Melonie Diaz, April Lee Hernandez, or the star of America – a film that might have stood a chance at an Oscar if the Academy hadn’t screwed it over – Lymari Nadal.
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Violeta Chamorro
Why there should be a movie: We’d like to see a movie about a woman who rises to power and succeeds against all odds without it being about how much of an ice queen she is or how she has to choose between her career and love. You know: a movie about a successful woman that doesn’t somehow still demean women. Got that, Hollywood?
Who should play her: Maria Onetto would be a great fit; she already plays privileged people with serious issues and if she got a bit more plump, BAM! Also in that same wheelhouse: Argentina’s Cecilia Roth.
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Octavio Paz
Why there should be a movie: We love the idea of chronicling Octavio Paz’s search for the core of the Mexican psyche. What makes Mexicans Mexican?
Who should play him: Granted, he looks kind of like Jeff Bridges in that picture, but we think Emilio Echevarria would be perfect. And maybe Diego Luna as Octavio in his younger years, when he was actually pretty dreamy.
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Gloria Trevi
Things took a serious turn for the worse by the late 90’s. Even as Trevi became a film and music star, a book was suddenly released in 1998 by a former underling. She had accused the pop star of aiding and abetting her manager with kidnapping teen girls and forcing them to become sex slaves. At first, the accuser was seen as a jealous hack, but when the story gained traction, Trevi and her manager fled Mexico. She was able to hide until 2000 and was arrested in Brazil. Just when shit couldn’t get any more real, Trevi was somehow able to get herself pregnant in a Brazilian prison. How did it happen? Apparently, Trevi’s manager was able to bribe his way for a quick boot-knocking session with her. Fast forward a decade later and Trevi has been free for more than half a decade and she is still churning those hits.
Why there should be a movie: It’s beginning to get depressing how many of these stories of Latinos’ rise to fame and power also include their sudden, batshit insane falls from grace, too, huh? At least this one includes an inkling of redemption.
Who should play her: We’re honestly at a loss, here. We’d like to not cull teenage telenovelas in search of a serious actress, but that might be the only course of action.
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Luis Walter Alvarez
Why there should be a movie: The Nobel Prize is a big deal, and there’s just something about movies about scientists and mathematicians – A Beautiful Mind comes to, um, mind – that ring so earnest and inspiring if done well.
Who should play him: This one goes to television actor Carlos Bernard, who proved himself on 24 and we think he could acquit himself well playing someone a bit more buttoned up.
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Don Francisco
Born Mario Luis Kreutzberger Blumenfeld, the man who now goes as Don Francisco is the son of German Jewish immigrants that fled to Chile to escape Nazi persecution. After traveling to New York to study to be a tailor, Keutzenberger became transfixed with television – a novelty mostly unavailable back home. In 1962, he took on the stage name Don Francisco and set out to use the variety show formulas and techniques he learned by watching American television to create a show called Sabados Gigantes in the relatively new field of Chilean programming. In 1986 – that’s 24 years after its inception, for those bad at math – the show began to film in Miami, and Don Francisco became a household name in the United States and, soon, in 185 other countries. Don Francisco has branched out into other projects, but Sabado Gigante has existed more or less in its current format for what will be, next year, 50 whole years.
Why there should be a movie: Fifty years! 50! Five-zero! Ten years, five times! Don Francisco’s completely unprecedented success, coming from such modest – and compelling! – roots leaves potential for a decades spanning (ans hopefully lighthearted) tale of success.
Who should play him: As this is probably a movie that spans more than seventy years, Francisco may need to be played by more than one actor. One of those actors absolutely must be Chilean actor Erto Pantoja, however. It must be.
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César Chávez
No, really, look him up. We’ll hold your Latino membership card, in the mean time. You’ll get it back when you know who César Chávez is.
Why there should be a movie: HOW IS THERE NOT A MOVIE ALREADY? There are rumors of one in the works, though…
Who should play him: To be honest, we can’t think of one that we think would absolutely nail the role, and that might actually be the biggest reason a movie doesn’t already exist about Chávez’s life. Any choice is bound to be controversial – it’s dangerous to make a movie about such a beloved figure.
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Who do you think deserves a film? Who should be in it? Let us know in the comments.