Ed Note: Remezcla readers may remember Joel, our Sales and Partnerships Manager, from this… let’s say “unconventional”… Maná review we published back in April, and his run in with J Lo last Fall. From time to time we will be chronicling Joel’s escapades on the site, under the column: “The Dominican Diaries.”
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Apparently the biggest thing to happen in the Heights besides Jay-Z and Beyonce’s appearance at La Marina is the 2 hour premier of MTV’s new Docu-drama Washington Heights. As a friend clearly stated in her Facebook update: “There is not a soul in sight on the streets! Lol I guess everyone ran home to watch Washington Heights!” As a 17 year resident of Washington Heights, I had to be part of the excitement as well. And after catching episode 1, here are some reasons why I think this show is not buenow mah friends.
Coño loco tocate una bachatica (I can’t relate to the music):
The music chosen by the producers doesn’t really represent Washington Heights. In the 2 hour premiere I didn’t hear the sounds of merengue, salsa, bachata, reggeaton and dembow that we are accustomed to hearing in clubs, your next door neighbor’s mega-loud sound system or the Honda Civics parked en el bloque. Kudos for playing Ritmo Machine’s La Calle, but I doubt the kids from my block know about them.
Me no pica Ingles my friend (English Speaking Parents):
Call me ignorant if you want, but most moms in the Heights don’t really pica any ingles. The producers are definitely killing it with moms that offer to spank your ass instead of darte un chancletaso. If you want to see what the typical mom from the Heights sounds like, check the video below; if you are from the Heights you know what I’m talking about.
[insert-video youtube=qcyvusf7zwg]
Vamos a janguiar pal rufo: Rooftops in the Heights:
Rooftop decks are not common in the Heights; it’s more of a luxury item that comes with newly constructed buildings and high end co-ops in the hood. Los Tigueres from the Heights are creatures that usually are found in low ground areas such as corners, building entrances, parks and bodegas. From personal experience, if you see people on a RUFO you better run for your life; I’ve been egged twice.
The Cast:
I can relate to some of the cast members but LET’S TALK ABOUT TAYLOR. Call me politically incorrect, but to me she’s a poor gringa suffering from an identity crisis. Taylor often “sounds white” but if you get her upset she suddenly starts developing an accent that sounds like this:
[insert-video youtube=SaJqIoAKd28]
Also, Frankie, Reyna, and Eliza are perfectly fine names, but I was hoping to see some more traditional Dominican girl names – like Yakaira, Yoselyn, Natacha, Roslenny, Rosmery, Julisa, Yafreisy, Nikaury, Franchesca, Francina, Escarlin, Yuberkis, Yasuri, Dilcia, Yuleisis. (I will further expand this list in a future blog of Weird Dominican Names).
La jeva de Jimmy (Jimmy’s Boo)
Apparently that “I hate you because you’re an outsider” drama seems to work with every reality show in TV. Let’s be real; Reyna don’t hate Eliza because she’s from Jersey; they hate each other because they are in love with the same man. If we are trying to recreate some of the Jersey Shore drama, I’d use the following stupid reasons to start fights: hating on shoes, bags, dresses, hair, or talking shit about someone’s home gurl:
Things Missing from the first two episodes so far:
Loud Ass Honda Civics
Las Hookahs
Fast Talking Dominican Cab Drivers
Typical Dominican Guy that wears red jeans, tight shirt and matching Gucci Loafers and Belts to go Clubbing at Clubs.
Silicone (Those who go to clubs know what i’m talking about).
Danny Baez. How can you shoot a show and not have Danny Baez.
Conclusion:
I appreciate the intention of a major network using my neighborhood to shoot anything that isn’t a crime scene on (Name of NY Based Police Series) but it seems to me that this is just a show made to attract dollars from Spanish Advertisers. What’s next? Washington Heights Housewives?