Forget Cinco de Mayo, Celebrate Cinco de Cuatro With Your Cuates Instead

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Back in 2009, the White House planned to commemorate Cinco de Mayo a day early (who knows why.) President Obama, in attempt to make a joke about the premature celebration, told the crowd, “Bienvenidos. Welcome to Cinco de Cuatro. We are a day early, but we always like to get a head start here at the Obama White House.” He obvs meant to say, “Welcome to Cuatro de Mayo” but hey, at least he tried.

Obama’s mistake may or may not have inspired the writers of Arrested Development who in 2013, premiered their fourth season with a celebration of Cinco de Cuatro. We don’t know about you, but we’re down to celebrate this totally made up holiday instead of Cinco de Mayo.

Here’s how it all started…

And that’s how Cinco de Cuatro was born.

It also includes a boat parade…

Who’s down to celebrate? Besides beating the crowds by getting your drink on a day early, it’s also a de facto boycott of the cheesy/racist holiday that Cinco de Mayo has become.

We’ve made it more than clear that we’re not the biggest fans of Cinco de Mayo the, “gringo appropriation and commercialization of a holiday that Mexicans don’t really care about to begin with.” In fact, after we called out Nylon for selling a Cinco de Mayo-themed collection of t-shirts with slogans like “More Tequila” and “Vatos Locos,” they retracted. In a statement to CNN MoneyNylon’s CEO Paul Greenberg commented on the controversy revealing that they would no longer be selling the [way overpriced] merchandise and issued an apology, “We are very sorry and regret that we misjudged how these items would be perceived.”

To celebrate our victory over lame Cinco de Mayo-associated commodities, join us in wishing your friends a…