According to Weather.com, temperatures reached 95 degrees in NYC last Saturday, which basically felt like a dragon setting me on fire and then putting it out with boiling water and then making me wear an all-polyester outfit to Zumba class. I guess this is karmic retribution for that one time I said global warming would be “kind of nice”…sorry chicos. In dire times like these, there are only two options: 1. Sit in your sweltering apartment and listen to Que Calor over and over until your head explodes, or 2. Post up at one of the five bars below and cool off with a frozen drink. Or at least get drunk enough to stop caring how sweaty you are.
NIGHTS AND WEEKENDS
1 Bedford Ave., nr. Manhattan Ave., Greenpoint; 718-383-5349
With a slim, triangular block all to itself, this Latin-American-themed spot is like a little island off the coast of McCarren park. Its menu features a Slushie Del Dia – recent offerings include a cachaça-and-mango Hora de Festa – as well as a yummy daily Frozen Grapefruit Margarita. Plus, its large, open windows and garage doors make it the perfect vantage point from which to eyeball the Crowds In Statement Outfits perpetually waiting for a table at Five Leaves across the street. Yes, I recently saw a guy there wearing overall cut-offs with a crop top underneath, and yes, I was kind of feeling it.
ONE LAST SHAG
348 Franklin Ave., nr. Greene Ave., Bed Stuy; 718-398-2472
This bar’s tiki backyard is the perfect place to enjoy their signature Margaveza, aka THE ONLY BEVERAGE I EVER WANT TO DRINK EVER YUM. For those who have yet to introduce this nectar from the gods into your life, a Margaveza is a glass of Sol topped off with about three inches of frozen margarita, resulting in a refreshing, lime-y beer slushie that packs an unexpected punch. After 2 or 3, you can get wild and graduate to the Puta Pineapple cocktail, a blend of Svedka clementine and lime and pineapple juices. Dangerously delicious.
357 W. 44th St., nr. 9th Ave., Hell’s Kitchen; 212-582-3200
Usually, the only thing that can drag me to the Port Authority area is some combination of the following: “free”, “presents”, “Shake Shack”, “Escuelita Vogue Night”. That’s it, nothing else. With that said, if you’re already in the neighborhood – or if you really love Hell’s Kitchen for some reason – this kitschy, surf-themed bar is a fun place to get a drink. Highlights include the Mermaid, which is basically a frozen mojito, and the Frozen Corona, which is exactly what it sounds like.
EL QUINTO PINO
401 W. 24th St., nr. 9th Ave., Chelsea; 212-206-6900
While most frequent this cozy spot for its traditional tapas, its fancy frozen cocktails are worth the visit alone. If you’re feeling bougie, stop by and try their Frozen Horchata, an icy blend of chufa tiger nut milk from Valencia spiked with brandy de Jerez. It’s like dessert and digestif all wrapped up in one – the perfect way to end a stroll on the Highline.
157 E. Houston St., nr. Allen St., LES; 212-473-9900
This pan-Latin restaurant gets +5 points for the Cien a ños de soledad reference, and +10 points for devising a drink incorporating one of my top foods ever: avocado. Their Aguacate and Mezcal cocktail; a frozen concoction of creamy avocado, sweet agave nectar, honey, combier, lime juice, and smoky mezcal, will quench your thirst and quell your hunger AT THE SAME DAMN TIME. I like to pretend it’s a protein shake, which I indulge in after pretending I’ve gone to the gym.