Mayans-schmayans, every REAL scholar knows who’s responsible for (a quite delicious) armageddon: abuelita!! Chicos y chicas, it’s time once again to prepare for El Tamalegeddon a.k.a. El Tamalepocalipsis Segun Fray Juan Zumárraga.
For those who don’t know, the annual Tamalegeddon is the time at the end of the year when abuelita (sometimes mamá y sus hermanas get involved as well) heads to the kitchen with the largest pot she can find, a few metric tons of masa and a wooden spoon passed down from Cintéolt herself and makes enough tamales to last from pre-Xmas eve to el Dia de los Reyes Magos.
In preparation for this orgy of corn and queso, we asked a few of our favorite peeps how they prepare for the annual Tamalegeddon, which happens to coincide with this year’s Mayan calendar fauxgeddon. Is this a COINCIDENCE or COSMIC TOMFOOLERY?! Only Maseca® knows for certain…
TAMALEEEES! HAY TAMALEEEES! LLEVE SUS RICOS Y DELICIOSS TAMALES OAXAQUEÑOS!
Así es como uno despierta en la Ciudad de México un día casual de la semana… el antojo de las fiestas patrias y navideñas despiertan el sentido de comer un rico y delicioso tamal. En lo personal no soy muy fan de los tamales, pero existen excepciones, como aquellos días de cruda imperial que ameritan una buena y fuerte alimentación que aguante toda la mañana al menos, por que después vienen los ricos tacos de canasta! Esa es mi recomendación para salvarte de la bomba del tamal, dejalo para esos días especiales de CRUDA!
I survive the tamalegeddon by always carrying my friends alka-seltzer and riopan with me to help with la pansa and lots of gum.
Hector: “At 12:01 a.m. on Dec. 22nd Las Cafeteras will be in the subway underneath Mariachi Plaza. We’ll have Chicano survivor kits, including water, vegan tamales, toilet paper, & the 1st Season of Walking Dead. If you want to survive the Apocalypse bring us ponche, flax seeds, champurrado, & extra toilet paper. And we’ll think about letting you in. p.s. password is “Dora & Diego”
Annette: I’ll be drinking Senna Tea. But if the world’s ending who cares?
RICKY GARAY (Mucho More, Mucho Wednesdays)“Diversify. You have to mix it up between the Guatemalan, Salvadorean, Mexican, veggieand foodie varieties of tamales. If you commit to at least a light jog of a mile or more a day you will also fend off the extra pounds and the shame spiral that is holiday binging. Also, be careful how you answer the “How do they taste?” question from your mom and your tias. Secretly tell them all that “theirs” are the best, this will put you in their good graces, and will get you a domingo every now and then from their gigantic magical purses. I liken that question to the infamous, “Does this blouse make me look fat question” your significant other may ask you. “It brings out your eyes” is the only correct answer.
ALVARO DEL NORTE (Lead singer, Piñata Protest)We recommend being creative with your tamales to help prevent burn out. Try for example stuffing your tamales inside other foods you love. Tamales can easily slip inside a folded pizza, in a large taco, and even between a cheeseburger. An added bonus to stuffing (concealing) your tamales is the guilt-free feeling you’ll have from fooling everyone into thinking you’re just eating another everyday food – just don’t forget to remove the husk!
DAVID GARZAYour Xmas is only as good your tamales.. if they are abuela made those are best. Doesn’t have to be your own granny’s just anybody’s ‘buela will do. otherwise you are stuck with some unloving rough hack job from a sketchy tamalera for hire… or worse- a jive whole foods organic healthy mutant atrocity… Tamales bring the family together for singing jokes chisme & character building manual labor:) Dozens may linger in the freezer behind the Hagen das til Super Bowl Sunday but they warm up & make you look like a champ every time. Tamales are for sharing & gorging. Tamales are for kids and neighbors Tamales are reward after xmas mass. Tamales are not for Bing Crosby. Tamales feed the world.