Starting tonight, winter snowstorm Jonas is set to arrive and make East Coasters lives miserable. If it’s as bad as they are predicting, there could be up to a foot of snow, 50 mph wind gusts and Hurricane Irene-level coastal flooding, or as the New York Post called it:
But snowstorms aren’t all bad: they provide an opportunity to avoid human contact in a socially acceptable fashion.
Here are some recommendations for how to survive this year’s snowmageddon. Unless we all lose power & internet in which case life is cancelled, and there is no way we can help you.
1
Block All Your West Coast/Caribbean Friends on Social Media
We all have these friends:
As much as we may love them, our fragile psyches can’t handle this right now. I DON’T WANT TO SEE THIS. It’s 68 degrees in some parts of the country, and if you’re not miserable too, then I don’t want to see it. Block everyone necessary until weather conditions have improved.
2
Hit Up Your Dealer ASAP
You’re probably going to be stuck inside for a while, so if your stash is low this is not the time to procrastinate. The later in the day it gets, the less likely your special delivery is going to come through. Send. texts. now.
Side note: the day weed dealers decide to implement Uber’s surge pricing model we’re all in trouble.
3
Actually Buy Groceries
The mayors and governors of the East Coast are advising people to stay indoors, so even if you get by on Seamless to live, you shouldn’t count on that this weekend. De Blasio insists that all drivers are off the roads by 8 a.m. on Saturday. And anyway, if you’re the kind of person who feels no guilt ordering delivery when it’s an arctic tundra outside then you’re probably a demon.
Take your ass to the grocery store, buy your weight in hot cheetos & takis, and you should be fine.
4
Get Your Netflix Queue Right
Check out our Netflixeando series for recommendations on the best Latin American and Latino films you can watch on Netflix while you’re holed up in your house:
Netflixeando: 10 Latino Films You Should Stream on Netflix
Netflixeando: 15 Mexican Films You Should Stream On Netflix
Netflixeando: 20 Latino Films on Netflix You Can Watch With the Fam
Netflixeando: 10 Spanish Horror Movies You Can Watch on Netflix Right Now
5
Get Busy
Blizzards are the raison d’être of Cuffing Season. If you played your cards right this fall, then you’ve scooped a bae to snuggle up with tonight. We recommend our sexy/cozy times playlist to set the mood.
6
Catch Up On the #LongReads You've Been Putting Off
If you didn’t play your cards right during Cuffing Season, then you can just use the alone time to catch up on all those Long Reads you bookmark and then forget to finish. A few we recommend:
This Former Futbolista Used His Career-Ending Injury To Fight World Poverty
Alice Bag Is A Chicana Punk Icon, But She’s About To Release Her Very First Album
Where Are the Latino Film Critics and Why Do They Matter?
Meet Miss Rizos, The Woman Behind Santo Domingo’s First Natural Hair Salon