Bolivian President Evo Morales is Becoming a Professional Offensive Midfielder

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We’re all familiar with the Vladimir Putin hockey playing highlight reel. The man is an offensive wrecking ball. His talents are so abundant and overpowering that the opposition is rendered not only ineffective, but it almost seems as if they were pretending.

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The statesman who not only rules, but also dominates on the sports field is a tried and true trope in politics. However, they’ve all adhered to the traditional code of amateurism — exhibition matches, backyard play, and the like.

Well, not any more.

Apparently, Bolivian president Evo Morales will report to next season’s training camp with Sport Boys from Santa Cruz, a first-division club. According to club president Mario Cronenbold, they’re only waiting for the new registration forms so that they can register the president. He’ll earn the minimum wage, around 200 dollars a month, and will wear number 10. Morales is no stranger to the hard life of a football player. He’s a registered player with the second tier Litoral, a club for which he played in a couple of games in 2008. Unfortunately he had no luck and never scored. Still, Sport Boys president Cronenbold said of Morales: “He is good with the ball and has a powerful shot.”  For most fans, the most powerful shot in memory might be this knee to the crotch of an opposing defender.

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Sport Boys hope their new 54-year-old offensive midfielder finds better luck this time around. He will probably be feeding passes to the Argentinian Christian “El Ogro” Fabianni –former River Plate and Independiente striker– and aging Bolivian Jaime Moreno, who used to play for DC United. From what can be observed in this brief highlight reel, fans of “El toro” of Santa Cruz should be thrilled for next year.

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