Sepp Blatter on Being Banned From Fútbol For 8 Years: “I’m Still A Punching Ball”

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That’s all she wrote for Sepp Blatter, dear fútbol fans. The dishonored president’s villainous ways have finally caught up to him; as of today, Blatter and longtime buddy Michel Platini are the lucky recipients of eight-year bans from any and all fútbol-related activities. That’s right! If you had told me this is where we’d be come Monday morning of Christmas week, I probably would have said that you were out of your mind. But look at us now.

In a presser held early this morning, Blatter showed just how immersed in his villainous ways he truly is; his comments quickly went from funny to quite worrisome, as it appears as though the old mafia boss is really living in a fantasy world all by himself.

“I’m sorry that I’m still somewhere a punching ball,” he said.


“I’m also sorry about me – how I’m tainted in this world of humanitarian qualities,” he went on. Huh? Hmm … “I am not ashamed. Even if I am suspended, I am still President. The committee cannot go against the President.” I’m sorry what?

The eight-year ban comes as a result of accusations against Blatter of improperly giving money to allies like Platini, breaking FIFA Code of Ethics rules on offering and receiving gifts, conflicts of interest, and breaches of loyalty. Madness. Forty years – a whopping 17 as president – all culminating in this moment. What a way to end the year.