If you’re looking for a smart investment to tide your savings through rocky times, you might want to think about Green Gold. No, we’re not talking about Humboldt County kush – though that might also be a good long-term bet – but rather Nahuatl tree testicles, aka aguacate. Indeed, with Instagram leading a hashtag-fueled, Columbus-approved “discovery” of the buttery fruit native to south-central Mexico, avocado prices have shot up as producers struggle to meet booming demand.
More specifically, those five million #avocado hashtags (yes, someone counted them) currently floating around the interwebs have translated into a an unprecedented weekly consumption of 150,000 tons in the United States alone. That signifies a staggering 750 per cent increase over the last five years, with Super Bowl Sunday leading yearly tallies with its time-honored ritual of guacamole, beer, and athletic chauvinism.
Just last year, the mid-winter pinnacle of Jeb Bush-approved “Sunday fun day” americana saw the sale of 278 million avocados, which translates to something like 40 million family-sized guac bowls, according to our estimates. With Mexico footing the lion’s share of the production, the booming demand has forced the world’s number-one aguacate exporter to open up even more local production to satisfy gringo sports fans and food porn addicts alike.
But just as the US’s yearly avocadolypse approaches, the Trump administration has played a game-changing economic protectionist card they’ve been telegraphing since the campaign, proposing a 20% tariff on all imports from Mexico to cover the multi-billion cost of The Wall™. This, of course, means that your Super Bowl guacamole spread may be doubling in value before the big game, so do yourself a favor and stock up now. Oh, and be sure to pick up a few extra: in a few months you could make a killing selling Instagram influencers their next hit of avocado toast.