Your NY Going Out Guide: The Getting Laid On Valentine's Day Edition

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Guat Up!

So, Nemo last week was a rude awakening. There’s nothing like getting this message from a week before Valentine’s Day to make you feel like you’re going to die alone:

Not only that, but Nemo ruined all my plans, which were to find someone to snuggle indoors with during Nemo. STOP RUINING MY LIFE WEATHER.COM. Anyway, since the sancocho party I’d planned to attend was cancelled – as was any will I had to join a gym – I’m just going to have to redouble my efforts this week. Because of my age and forever-alone status, I may meet the requirements to be a JAMON but I’m aiming to end the curse this week.


The hunt begins at Pianos, where Electro-pop bands Salt Cathedral (Formerly known as Il Abanico), Something In Spanish, and Textiles are playing. I have it on good authority that that the New Girl stole Zooey Deschanel’s entire “adorkable” vibe from the girls that hang out at Salt Cathedral shows. You know the type – bangs, cutesy dresses, statement glasses. Actually, now that I think of it, I basically just described La Chilindrina. Anyway, hoping to find the Chilindrina of my Dreams – ChilinDREAMa I’ll call her – at this show, but if not at least they have cheap drinks and the music will be good. EVENT DETAILS HERE.


Fun fact about me: I am constantly mixing up Valentine’s Day and Halloween. Not that I don’t know the difference between the two, but for some reason everytime I open my mouth to say “Valentine’s Day” it comes out “Halloween,” which probably says a lot about the horror with which my subconscious regards this holiday…Anyway, cynicism aside, I’m hoping to invite a lucky hot señorita to check out the Williamsburg Salsa Orchestra at the Paperbox on this day of love. Since I might be the only Dominican who can’t dance (I blame my parents for that), I’m gonna take advantage of the free salsa lesson beforehand by Joey Corsica. Times are rough and some of us are cheap therefore I’m going to hook some of you up with free tickets to the show, which will hopefully make me look like baller in front of my date. Let’s hope hearing a salsa version of TV on the Radio’s Wolf Like Me will put her in the mood… EVENT DETAILS HERE.


First order business: curar la cruda. Hopefully I’ll be hungover from a successful Valentine’s Day and not from drowning my sorrows – but only time will tell. I highly recommend La Fonda Boricua and my fave greasy delights Mofongo de Pernil (sorry Casa del Mofongo) or Chicharrón de Pollo. Either way, they’ll help you line your stomach for the evening ahead at Super Sabado de Carnaval at Museo del Barrio. If by then I haven’t found anyone I’ll take City Editor Andrea’s advice into consideration and take a shower with Jabon Yo Domino A Mi Mujer before heading out to Rico Suave Selena Tribute Night. EVENT DETAILS HERE AND HERE.

I will update you all next week and of course bring you more recommendations for the week ahead. Get naughty but before that please tip your bartender.

Yours truly,

Joel Moya