Here Are the 7 Songs We’d Teach the Aliens How To Perrear To

Lead Photo: Art by Stephany Torres for Remezcla.
Art by Stephany Torres for Remezcla.
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Aliens exist, and they’re already on Earth! 

At least that’s what some witnesses, including a retired Air Force major, claimed during a congressional hearing earlier this week. They testified that the U.S. has in its possession spacecrafts of non-Earth origin and the bodies of some of its crew. According to them, it’s a conspiracy that’s been weaved between nations over decades behind the public’s backs.

Sure, you could point out they didn’t actually reveal any evidence that this is true and that the claims are ultimately pretty outlandish and weak under scrutiny, but hear us out: what if?

What if it’s all true? And what if some curious lil’ green people from Mars (or big-eyed grays from a galaxy even further away) have indeed made it to our blue planet and set up shop here? It’s a question worth exploring, and here at Remezcla, we’re ready to extend a welcome hand to our new hopefully-benevolent-overlords and teach them everything we know about what really matters to us. That’s right, reggaetón!

If they’ve been here long enough, they definitely must have heard a Benito song or two by now, and we can imagine they’re curious about that distinctive syncopathic beat that’s enthralled so many humans. Today we’re going to give them a crash course using songs we think are right up their alley. This is not the day the Earth stood still, but the day you bent your knees and shook your ass to the beat! Unless your knees bend backward like the aliens from Arrival, in which case, we’ll figure something else out.

But in the meantime, here are the seven songs we’d teach the aliens how to perrear to, featuring reggaetón’s finest. 

Ivy Queen - “Yo Quiero Bailar”

The first thing these explorers from beyond the Milky Way always want to do is meet our leaders, so here’s our forever queen. Ivy Queen gave us one of the most-perfect reggaetón songs of all time with “Yo Quiero Bailar,” and it’s a terrific introduction to the genre and its heyday sound. Everything people love about reggaetón can be found in this track’s running time—the personality, the swag, the sexiness, the attitude, and its rebellious energy. Once they start to get a feel for this one, it’ll open the doors to a whole universe of new music.

Plan B feat. Tony Dize, Zion & Lennox - “Si No Le Contesto (Remix)” 

Get this: when Plan B first came onto the scene, they were actually called The Panic. And the album that was their debut? It was called @ria 51, which shares its name with the government facility where allegedly some extraterrestrial plunder has been stored for many years. Reggaetón can get very raunchy very fast, meaning you have to keep up with your dance partner, and Plan B was one of the leaders of that style for a long time. “Si No Le Contesto” is one of their last few hits before disbanding, but it’s still golden and features some other artists from around the way that might pique their interest.

Don Omar - “Virtual Diva”

Back in 2009, Don Omar released his album iDon, an eccentric production filled with futuristic music cues and cyber-inspired artwork that convinced half of us he was one of them. But no, he was as human as the rest of us and simply ahead of his time. No better example than “Virtual Diva,” which inadvertently gave us a glimpse of the alt-perreo that would be prevalent 15 years later. The music video might even give E.T. flashbacks of home, or at least of their UFO’s interior aesthetic, which could go a long way towards making them fans.

Wisin & Yandel - “Dime Quiénes Son”

To teach anybody about reggaetón, you have to talk about a time in the 2000s when every album had at least one merengue/salsa/bachata fusion, bare minimum. Wisin & Yandel were the undeniable figureheads of that style of music, and if our neighbors from the stars want to really immerse themselves in the music, they gotta learn how to perrear and bailar en una loseta at the same time. “Dime Quiénes Son” is a great introduction, especially because it comes off their album Los Extraterrestres, which I’m sure they’ll appreciate and not be offended by at all. No ray guns allowed in the club!

RaiNao - “Limbo” 

We’ve talked about the genre’s past, but let’s explain to our galactic guests a little bit about its present and future. It’s evolved, like how I’m sure they evolved into interstellar travelers, into a new kind of sound that’s still as captivating but in newer and exciting ways. RaiNao’s song “Limbo” is ethereal like a deep space transmission, and her looks are often similar to that of an alien princess straight out of a pulp sci-fi book (don’t get us wrong, that’s a compliment). We think they’d agree it’s the perfect soundtrack for traveling through nebulas.

Rauw Alejandro feat. Miguel Bosé - “SI TE PEGAS” 

Do they have beaches on Saturn? Now we might know who to ask! In the meantime, there’s no better recent example of the absolute reach that reggaetón and its offshoots have had in the culture than this collab between Puerto Rico’s own cosmos-fixated superstar Rauw Alejandro and Spanish pop legend Miguel Bosé. I know those names don’t mean anything to visitors from lightyears away, but trust us when we say that’s a duo few saw happening. Having them both on a perreo-centric track is as impressive as when the New Horizons probe passed Pluto (which they probably waved to on their way over here).

El Chombo feat. Cutty Ranks - “Dame Tu Cosita” 

And listen, if after all this they’re still unsure of how to move their lanky, otherworldly bodies to the music, just follow the lead of the fellow from this video. Once they have the moves right, their center of balance aligned, and their thrusts synced, put that copy of To Serve Man” away and go to the nearest club and enjoy the music! But we’d tell them not to be surprised if they find it gets as hot and sweaty as breaking through Earth’s atmosphere.