If Maradona Ran FIFA….

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Remember when Venezuela’s President Nicolás Maduro claimed that late former President Hugo Chávez appeared to him in the form of a bird? Well, Maduro has once again taken it upon himself to think out loud. Commenting on the FIFA scandal, President Maduro suggested that Argentinean crack (no pun intended) Diego Armando Maradona become the next head of the organization in charge of managing world football.

Why Maradona?

Well, for starters, La Mano de Dios has developed a pretty left-wing ideology, and is a supporter of Maduro’s government. He’s currently employed by Venezuelan TV channel Telesur, where he conducts the TV show De Zurda alongside sports commentator Victor Hugo Morales, and he was reportedly paid 4 million euros by Venezuela’s government to do his show during the 2014 World Cup. Maradona has also been very vocal about FIFA corruption, penning a scathing Op-Ed about Sepp Blatter just days before FIFA became embroiled in the biggest corruption scandal in its history.

According to Blatter, who resigned this Tuesday, the next FIFA President elections will be held some time between next December and March. We took it upon ourselves to imagine what it would be like if Maradona really became the next FIFA president, because why not.

There Would be No Anti-Doping Policy

Would we just see drug legalization in the world of soccer?

Jewelry Would Be Allowed on the Pitch.

And Tiffany, Cartier and Bvlgary would probably get into the soccer business.

La Iglesia Maradoniana Would Move Headquarters to Zurich

The FIFA World Cup Would be Held in Cuba

Why play in Qatar’s horrible high temperatures when one could happily drink mojitos and smoke habanos while watching soccer in a Caribbean World Cup?

Press Pass Approval Would be Up to His Discretion

And we all know about Diego’s historically tense relationship with the press…

Hand Balls Would Be Allowed

Because #LaManodeDios.

English Would No Longer Be the Official Language of FIFA

Maradona is known to hate the English. And the Americans. So basically no English allowed.