Alexis Sánchez Proves Once Again That He’s Unfairly Superhuman

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So, we’ve already established that Alexis Sánchez is not human. There’s simply no way that a man with his relentless work ethic, unmatched speed and stamina, and illustrious goal-scoring abilities is cut from the same cloth as the rest of us mere mortals.

On the off chance that you somehow lost sight of the objective fact that is Alexis’ otherworldliness, he managed to break his seven-game scoreless streak with a brace vs. Dinamo Zagreb last night (South American trifecta Luis Suárez, Leo Messi and out-of-this-world legend Alexis Sánchez baby all struck gold with dobletes yesterday). His goals in the 33rd and 66th were enough to get him level with Arturo Vidal for most goals ever scored in the UEFA Champions League by a Chilean player (9).

The Chilean crack has contributed to 78% of Arsenal’s UCL goals so far this season: three goals, four assists. The brace wasn’t his only contribution last night, either; he assisted the magnificent Mesut for the first goal of the night…

… and generally put his prodigious, heroic, superhuman powers on display at other points during the match as well.

The win keeps the Gunners’ UCL hopes alive (a phrase that Gooners are all too used to hearing only to lose on away goals in the end). Olympiakos away is going to be a big one. At least for now, Alexis can walk tall (and maybe even get a well-deserved rest this weekend).